Couples

I assist couples seeking to improve and strengthen their connection. My work with couples is grounded in attachment theory, using Hakomi and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a powerful modality that research shows to have a great success rate for repairing relationships.

"To be seen and understood by the one we love best may be the most powerful weapon against shame."
— Susan Johnson

Attachment is a need that continues into adulthood. The attachment bond and the security that it provides frequently underlies concerns of couples. Partners need to know that they matter to each other and are accepted and secure in their relationship. Partners tend to monitor each other for proximity, availability and responsiveness, and issues can arise concerning differences in handling and communicating about closeness and distance in the relationship. Other common couple issues concern maintenance of identity and self-esteem and influence. Issues can arise concerning respect, being seen, or feeling unimportant or diminished.

Negative interaction cycles often arise when partners feel that their attachment needs or core identity needs are not being met. Given that relational conflict most often results from unexpressed hurt feelings and/or unmet needs related to security and/or identity, therapy helps partners deal with their own and their partner’s emotions and behavior underlying these needs.

"There is no such thing as complete independence from others or overdependence. There is only effective or ineffective dependence. Secure dependence fosters autonomy and self-confidence."
— Susan Johnson

"How can we know ourselves by ourselves? . . . Soul needs intimate connection, not only to individuate, but simply to live. For this we need relationships of the profoundest kind through which we can realize ourselves, where self-revelation is possible, where interest in and love for soul is paramount."
— James Hillman